Follow Up: Taking Responsibility

Everyone can make a difference. Even an 8 year old boy. Peter Horan probably doesn't fully grasp it, but a lot of good things are being done on his behalf this holiday season. 

In my last blog I touched on the events in Sandy Hook, Connecticut that claimed the lives of 20 innocent children. That post inspired a few amazing women to launch a project called "Books for Sandy Hook" and organize a drive to send copies of a special children's book entitled "A Terrible Thing Happened", which is designed to help children cope with traumatic experiences that they have witnessed, to the Sandy Hook area to help the families affected by this tragedy. The book can be purchased through the American Psychological Association here : http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/4416428.aspx  or ordered by phone at 1 (800) 374-2721and shipped directly to this address:

94 Riveside Rd
Sandy Hook.Ct. 06482
Care of Sandy Hook Book Drive

The drive so far has been very successful, with more books pouring in every day, thanks to the incredible efforts of Kathleen Henry Hayes, Tom and Missy Horan, April Edinger Hamilton and Rick Heitman. What an excellent example to set for their children, nephews, and grand children as to how easy it can be to do a good thing, even when the worst is facing you.

Peter (Top) and Tommy. Peter goes to the elementary school where the shootings took place.

The Troop sent 5 copies of this book to help the drive on behalf of his father, who has been deeply affected by the events during his recovery. But the Troop made a pledge and by god he's going to keep it. That pledge was to do something good to honor each of the children lost in Sandy Hook, by donating 20 items to the Toys For Tots foundation. My gift to Peter, to help him in his healing from a tragic event. May I present to you the first imperial stuffed animal division, made up of two special units: Cuddly Owls and Slinky Bunnies.

These critters are sold at Kohl's as part of their "Kolh's Cares" initiative, with 100% of the net profit donated to support kids' health and education initiatives in communities nationwide. Since 2000, more than $208 million has been raised nationwide. The animals can be paired with books that are all $5, and make great holiday gifts with a great message to kids. They are super soft and very high quality as well. To learn more about them you can visit: http://www.kohlscorporation.com/communityrelations/community02.htm

Today was the last day to drop items for the Toys for Tots drives so I rolled the van down to the warehouse and was surprised to get a full tour by a wonderful young Marine. He informed me that their yield of donated toys this year had been spectacular (previous years had not been so fruitful) but that they had been shorthanded on workers to help sort their inventory. To sign up as a volunteer for Toys for Tots you can go to http://orlando-fl.toysfortots.org/local-coordinator-sites/lco-sites/Default.aspx.

Nothing can replace the lives of the children we lost this week, but I urge each and every one of you: turn off your TV. Get off the internet. Go out and do something good. Stop dwelling on the negativity, the blame placing, and the media blitz. If you want to help these people do it by putting something positive out into the world. That's what this season has always been about.

-TFTC

Taking Responsibility

A member of my family survived a tragedy yesterday.

    Not a blood relative, and maybe technically not a family member yet- but my Fiance's nephew, little Peter Horan, is a pretty special kid, along with his brother Tommy. They live with their mom and dad in the beautiful town of Sandy Hook, Connecticut. I visited them at their home for the first time this year at their family reunion, and I got to spend a lot of time with the boys, who are both very active, happy kids. They like to swim, play video games, explore nature, and run around like crazy- you know, the way kids do. They smile a lot, Peter with a wide, toothless grin. They are good kids, with good hearts, loving parents, and good heads on their shoulders, and I am sure their futures will be bright.
    But yesterday was not a bright day for them. Yesterday they faced a kind of evil that the world may never understand. The kind of evil that wears the face of a man and yet holds no humanity within itself.
    It's heartbreaking to think that these innocent children, along with so many others, had to endure the events that happened yesterday in Sandy Hook, a quaint little town with more cows than stop lights, rolling hills and covered bridges and old time general stores. It's a sobering reminder for all of us who have grown complacent, grown comfortable with the illusion that we are safe in our neighborhoods, in our schools, and in our homes. It's a sickening feeling to be brought face to face with the reality that one day can change our lives forever, and there is little to nothing we can do to prevent it.

    In the days after these events (and it seems it happen all too often) I find myself trying to put myself in these peoples shoes. I wonder what I would do if confronted with such a situation, how I would react if someone I knew and loved fell prey to one of these predators, what on earth would drive a person to do such a heinous, wasteful, purposeless thing as to take the life of someone they don't even know. It occurs to me that, sadly, these things happen every single day. We as a species have been our own sole natural predator for the better part of our existence on this planet, killing, defiling, and victimizing one another, sometimes for gain, sometimes for revenge, and also sometimes for seemingly no reason at all.
    I keep coming back to the same conclusion in my head each time I mull these things over: that our society is broken. That we have devolved back to the animals we were thousands of years ago, with no concern for others, and solely our own personal betterment in mind. Or maybe this whole civilization thing was a joke all along, a set of fake rules we made up to convince ourselves that we are better than what we really are- snarling, violent, and stupid animals, without any values, without any integrity, without any capacity for action and reasoning beyond our own selfish and pointless needs. It makes it difficult, sometimes, for me to understand why I do what I do with Troop For The Cure- what is the point of trying to help people, when people are just dogs that don't know better, don't want to know better, and will simply eat you when the time comes that they no longer have a use for you?

   But meeting people like Peter and Tommy have taught me better than that. Bright children that want to help, to do good, to see others smile- that have been raised with values and empathy and love for one another- that is the answer. It's easy to get bogged down in the bad things that humans do to each other, it takes a closer look to see the good side of humanity. And maybe therein lies the flaw- we tend to focus on the bad things that happen to us, to mull over our personal problems and get bogged down in affairs that in the grand scheme of things really don't matter. I can't pretend to know or understand what problems faced Adam Lanza, but I can say without a doubt they did not get any better today, and whatever they were they were not worth the lives of 20 innocent children and 8 adults.

    In the slew of the media onslaught, of the pushing of political agendas, of the heartless and callous quips you may see or hear on the internet or on the radio or in passing conversation, I urge you to remember this: You alone have a choice in life to dictate whether your actions are for the betterment or decline of our society. What will you champion in this life? What will your priorities be? Are these things you fret over every day worth it? What in life can hold more joy or satisfaction for you than the love and understanding of a another human being? Make hope a goal in your life. Make happiness a priority. Make helping others a standard by which you measure yourself. Break down the walls that society has built to separate us as people and search for common ground among your fellow man. Appreciate what you have and cherish the ones you love, and make it known to them just how important they are to you.

Tomorrow I will remember the 20 children who were needlessly taken from us by purchasing 20 items to donate to the Toys For Tots Charity. Maybe this seems insignificant. After all, how can a toy compare to the loss of a unique and beautiful life? Obviously it can't. But I'll choose to honor them by doing something good- by doing something instead of nothing- because sometimes it's the little things in life that make a difference.

There will always be evil in this world, and bad things will always happen. It is our responsibility to our children, to our fellow man, to make sure that good things happen, too.

http://www.toysfortots.org/

-TFTC

**UPDATE**

My future Mother-In-Law stepped up to the plate and is making a difference. She's partnered with her daughters, one of which was a therapist who specialized in abused children, and organized a drive to send copies of a special children's book entitled "A Terrible Thing Happened", which is designed to help children cope with traumatic experiences that they have witnessed, to the Sandy Hook are to help the families affected by this tragedy. The book can be purchased through the American Psychological Association here : http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/4416428.aspx  or ordered by phone at 1 (800) 374-2721and shipped directly to this address:

94 Riveside Rd
Sandy Hook.Ct. 06482
Care of Sandy Hook Book Drive

The Troop has ordered 5 copies to be sent on behalf of My Dad, who has been deeply affected by this tragedy as he watched it unfold during his recovery. I have always felt that helping others and feeling productive is a very important part of the healing process- it empowers us and removes the victim status from our shoulders. Give someone the gift of empowerment, and the gift of empowering their children.

Mission Accomplished

It's been a process.
It started with a dream, and through the kindness of the most amazing woman I have ever met it became a possibility. It was a project, and through the crushing adversity of a family member it became a mission. It was a hobby, and through the dedication and inspiration of some incredible men and women it became a new way of life.
I'll be the first to admit I had my moments of doubt... but it was all worth it. Whether is was the sparkle of hope in a sick child's eyes, the support and encouragement of my friends, the soothing words of my ever loving (and ever patient) girlfriend, or the cold, dark, glossy glare of the Dark Lord- the fire never went out.

When this is your boss, you don't get lazy.

Thanks are in order.

A HUGE thanks to Timothy Boyle for all of his help (and putting me up... and putting up with me... and all the laughs and Muppet xmas carols) and also "Mom" and "Dad" for all their hospitality. I am in your debt, and I won't forget the kindness and patience you have shown me in the last few months. You guys are the best. Also thanks to Troy Gentry, who was instrumental not only in the construction of my armor but in integrating me into the group, as well as Paul Button and Rick Russo and family. You guys made my first experiences with the legion positive and memorable... and hilarious.

Thanks to my family and friends, who have supported me all along and my bosses and co-workers for putting up with my time off requests and constant ranting about plastic weld and ABS.

Thanks to the incredible Whitney Hayes for all the patience, all the encouragement, and all the love. You've made my dreams come true, in every way imaginable.

Thanks to my Dad, for fighting hard and being there to get the call. 

I'm In. I did it. And it's all thanks to all of you.

Hail to the Empire

TK-66613

Troop For The Cure

Thanksgiving

It's been a tough few weeks for a retail veteran like myself, busy with preparing for the coming sales onslaught that is the weekend after thanksgiving and frankly the entire month of December. It's been a struggle (more so than it already is) to balance my many duties and priorities between work, the troop, family, and friends. Add to this the difficult situation of my fathers illness and you've got a level of stress that only a Jedi could survive without force choking someone to death.


I've tried to make a concious effort this holiday season to keep at the forefront of my mind what really matters to me: taking the time to see and care for my father. Advancing the Troop for the cure cause. Showing my friends and family just how much I appreciate them. So to keep true to that I've prepared a list of things I am thankful for.

I am thankful to the ever helpful and ever vigilant troops of the 501st, who have given my life new purpose this year. You have shown me the power of the human spirit and moved me beyond words. I am especially thankful to Tim Boyle and Troy Gentry for their limitless patience and diligence in helping me build my armor. I barely know you guys but you have accepted me and treated me only as true friends would.

I am thankful for my co-workers, the most talented group of misfits I have had the pleasure of working with. Whether its making burgers or hocking t-shirts, you see it on the front lines every day, and without your humor, support, and co-miseration I could not do what I do.

I am thankful for my wonderful girlfriend Whitney. She sees it all. She is the one who has to pick up what's left when I am spent, physically and emotionally. She is the one that has to watch me go out the door tired and sick and come home destroyed. She is the one who brings me back from the edge,  who makes me laugh when the world seems like a hopeless place. She is the light of my life and without her none of this would be possible. I love you Whitney.

Lastly I am thankful for my family. For my Mom's tireless efforts to keep the ship afloat. For my brother for being there for them when I can't and backing them up the whole way. And for my dad for hanging in there for all of us.

-TFTC

Hairy Situation

My Dad has always been jealous of my hair.

He's probably laughing while reading this. But it's true. He has always commented on how I had my Great-Grandfathers hair, dark, wavy, and incredibly thick. He's also always mentioned that my Great Granddad also died with a full head of hair, which might seem inconsequential to some people. People who have a full head of hair.

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

 Now my Dad's not spear bald. He's thinning on top. He wears it well. I think it gives him an air of wisdom and experience. But I'm sure it has not escaped him that my hair hasn't even hinted at starting to thin out. He's also brought up on more than one occasion that I seem to be mocking him with my hair. You see, I wear my hair in a Mohawk, where as he's thinning on top. He's joked a few times that I cut it that way just to prove I have hair where he doesn't. 

Well, at least I think he was joking.

My hair has been a center of focus since my high school days, when I used to wear it in gigantic conical liberty spikes.  I had it pretty well down to a science, making sure all the spikes were set at certain angles and whipping it up with a cocktail of hairgel (for hardness) and hairspray (for hold). It was a lot of fun, but extremely high maintenance. In my college days I opted for a more permanent, less maintenance hairstyle and lost the sides. The result was a Cliff Burton / Mike Patton style long Mohawk that I usually wore down and as long as I could grow it. It was extremely handy for my metal band Empyrean, and I had a good time whipping it around, wetting it down with water and soaking the front row, doing windmills, and occasionally getting it caught in guitar tuning knobs or swallowing it and having to pull it out of my throat while singing.

Epic. Metal. Hair.

It's a common side effect of chemotherapy to experience hair loss  and well, today was the day Dad got his head shaved. He would probably never admit it but I know he's been dreading it. So today I leveled the playing field for him and did the deed. 

My magical metal mohawk of mayhem is going in the mail and headed to Locks For Love, so it can be sewn into a wig for children undergoing chemotherapy treatments just like my Dad. I hope he can take comfort in the fact that some kids day just got a little bit more comfortable, and it's all because of him. 

If you would like to donate hair to Locks of Love, you can follow this link for instructions and to find out more about what they do: http://www.locksoflove.org/donate.html

-TFTC

Ups and Downs

This was a strange week.

My Dad entered the Hospital on Monday and got his high-dosage chemo treatment, followed on Wednesday by his stem cell transplant. Out of an abundance of caution due to illness in my vicinity and his diminished immune system, I couldn't see him this week until I finally got a chance to visit on Thursday when I was sure I was not sick.
Tuesday night was a bad night for him, as he was struggling with nausea from the intense chemotherapy. I texted him some words of encouragement and thanked him for going through all of this, because I know he's primarily doing it for us. This was his response:

"Thank you for your kind words. You, Mom, and Mike have certainly enriched my life far beyond anything I could have imagined. The kindness, love, and concern you have given me are a great source of strength. I am very proud that she and I have raised two young men who are very intelligent and talented. But I am most proud that we helped instill love, compassion, and strength in you that make you the men you've become. Always remember that when things look hopeless that you are blessed with the intellect, strength  and support to overcome and actually grow wiser. I love you, Dad."

If only this conversation had gone so well.

I finally got to see my Dad on Thursday, the day after his new birthday (to see what I'm talking about read my post "Happy Birthday Dad") and he seemed to be doing well, despite his continued nausea. His moral was very high and he was comfortable. We talked for about an hour and I updated him on what was going on in my life and he did the same. It was good so see him doing well. I gave him a bumper sticker for the link to this blog and headed home. Before I got there he called me to thank me for everything I had done.

I explained to him that this was really all of his doing- that the will to do what it takes to make the world better, even just a little bit, was a value he had instilled in me, a value he had exemplified throughout his life as my father and my role model. That all of this was being done so that he could know that if and when he left this world we would still be here, doing good in his name. And then I reminded him that his life wasn't over yet, and I looked forward to spending the rest of it making him proud.


Dad's condition seems to be holding strong, mine however has not. I am prone to nasal and throat infections, especially around the holidays, and for those of you not in the retail profession, yes we are in the holidays.
This is especially disheartening as it means there is no way I can see my father until I have completely recovered.It doesn't however preclude me from doing other things, so I chose to spend my Saturday working on the armor. I got up early (at my girlfriends insistence) and got down to cutting and welding. In the middle of this process I was interrupted by Kelly, my Mom's next door neighbor, with the terrible news that her Husband had passed in the night.

Richard Lilly was a good man, husband and father, who has been struggling with cancer almost as long as I have known him. Before Troop For The Cure ever existed my brother Michael and I had leveraged our fan base from our band Empyrean to help us locate O- blood donors to help him with a much needed transfusion, and this event was one of the stepping stones that has directed me down this path.We are all very saddened to see him go.

On a plus side for the day, I completed my armor enough to make a surprise visit to the Birthday Party for Victor Shea, son of my good friends Melanie and Steven Shea. Steven's father also passed away a few years back from cancer, and his efforts in raising money for the cause have also been inspirational to me to do this project. Steven has been a good friend and very supportive through all this with helpful insight and generous donation, and It made me happy do be able to do something special for him in return.

Plus his Kid is frigging adorable.

I think one of the most beautiful things about the 501st is it's ability to inspire people. It touches me at my most innocent of places, reaches back into the simplest, happy times in my life, and tells me to do better- to be better than I am and make the world a better place, through volunteerism, through charity, and one smile at a time. Those smiles become very important for people who are stricken with these illnesses, and for the people around them as well, because happiness even at is simplest is infectious and distracting. After all, what is the point of all this work to prolong life if you don't get those simple moments of enjoyment out of it?

-TFTC
TK- 75%

Happy Birthday Dad!

This Halloween is my fathers birthday.

Not his original birthday, mind you. It's his new birthday.

For the record, droids don't eat cake. But they can bake them!

I'm sure you're confused, because I was at first. Before I go on, let me preface my explanation with a description of the process in which my father's multiple myeloma is being treated, taken from the American Cancer Society's website:

"Autologous stem cell transplant:
This type of transplant uses the patient's own blood-forming stem cells. These transplants are fairly safe and have a low risk of serious complications. To collect the patient's stem cells, often the drug cyclophosphamide and a white blood cell stimulating drug are given. Then blood-forming stem cells are removed from the patient's blood by a process called leukapheresis. In this process, blood is removed from the patient or donor, the stem cells are separated by a machine, and then the blood is returned to the patient. In some patients, the stem cells come from their bone marrow.
The stem cells are preserved by being frozen while the patient receives high-dose chemotherapy. This chemotherapy destroys almost all the cells in the patient's bone marrow. This includes the blood-forming stem cells as well as plasma cells. After the chemo, the frozen stem cells are given back to the patient. Stem cells are given IV (in a vein) like a blood transfusion. They travel to the bone marrow and start to grow and make new blood cells."

Pretty neat, right? It's still an experimental process, but it seems to be getting good results. It is however not without it's risks. You see, when you are given this high-dose chemotherapy, it doesn't just kill the cancer cells- it kills a lot of other things too, like stomach microbes that aid in digestion, and most notably, it kills your immune system. This can be problematic because you are basically of the same fragility as a newborn baby, susceptible to illness and infection that normal adults have built up an immunity too. It's like setting back the clock of your bio-chemistry to day one and re-building your immunities all over again.

In the business they call this your new birthday.

The family has some great plans lined up for my Dad's new Birthday. My brother has made him a special surprise. My Momgot him a giant walking skeleton balloon for Halloween.

I'm giving him a bumper sticker with a link to this blog.

Shameless plug warning: Buy one!

A few weeks back I finally made the trek up to Ocala to go to the Makaze squad Armor party. I was very excited to meet the garrison and make some new friends that were as big of nerds as I was about Star Wars. But mostly I was excited to get my armor done. I rolled up around 7:30 after a long day at work with my gear packed into cases and my tools in a big black tool box. I didn't need them. The place was fully equipped and decked out with every tool imaginable, food, huge work spaces, and Star Wars memorabilia that would make any fan boy teary-eyed. (It was less of an armor party and more of an armor factory!) I got the tour and made the rounds meeting the guys (and gals) and found out that I was late- like 12 hours late. Evidently these things start early in the morning and go very late into the evening. After a while chatting I went out to my van and grabbed my kit so the troops could look it over.

At first I think they were impressed by how far I'd gotten, which made me feel good because I was anxious to get going "trooping for the cure". I had heard stories about what these guys could do, and was told that sometimes they could put together whole kits in one day and get submissions in for 501st approval that night. But as they looked closer at my handy-work (all 4 months worth of it), they started to notice flaws in the construction. First it was little things, like replacing a few strips here and there. Then it was bigger things, like trimming out parts, re-doing entire sections of the armor. The resident TK expert, Tim, pulled me aside and said to me (with a great deal of concern on his face):

"I have a lot of respect for the work and the money that people put into their kits. That being said, I think your best bet here is going to be taking this thing apart and starting over."

Yeah. I was pretty crushed. Not only had I spent the last few months working feverishly to get this thing done, but I had sunk a lot of money into it as well. In addition I had constructed the armor with a plastic-weld adhesive that is extremely difficult to undo (you know, because it welds plastic). I understood what a nightmare it was going to be to take the thing apart, and realized in that moment that the armor wasn't going to get done that day, and wasn't going to get done for a very, very long time. Working as I do in the retail world (and with a second job to boot) the time from the end of October until late January doesn't hold a lot of free time to work on projects of this magnitude. I would be lucky to get the suit done before march if I was lucky.

All those thought ran through my head in the few seconds after Tim had dropped the bomb on me. I looked at him and said, "cool, let's do it". And then I picked up a screwdriver and started pulling the armor apart.

I spent the rest of the evening going back and forth between working on the armor and talking about heavy metal with a few of the guys (most notably Troy, Paul, Rick, and another Paul) who were all nice enough to help me out. They gave me lots of great pointers on how to put my kit together better, and showed me how to use a lot of tools that would hopefully make my life a lot easier. All in all it was a great time and everyone I met was a pretty amazing person with a hundred great stories to tell.

I didn't take pictures. I'm sure they like it better that way.

It would have been very easy for me to get mad at that party. It would have been very easy for me to walk away from that armor and quit on the spot. But my dad taught me better than that.

I guess the point to this entry is that I haven't accomplished as much as I would have liked to since I started this blog. In my mind I feel like I've failed, kind of like I've been masquerading as something I haven't become yet. I wish I could have gotten the armor done in time to wear it to see my Dad in the hospital. To present this whole thing to him in the grandest form possible. But we make the time for what is most important to us, and the last few months have been full ones. I'm glad I went to the mountains with my Dad so we could spend a week away from the bustle and grind of work. I'm glad we got to take one more fishing trip to the beach. I'm glad I could help in some small way little Lyric Strub with his brain surgery, and pull in a few extra shifts to donate to that cause.

My Dad started his high-dosage chemotherapy tonight. Tomorrow he will rest and on Halloween, his favorite holiday, he will receive the stem cell transplant. He will be born again. And after that he will read the words on this page and I hope more than anything it will bring him some happiness in his darkest hour. I hope he can smile and know that he's a hero to so many people, including his son.

-TFTC

Charity Dollars Raised:          $1,842.00

TK completion:                        20%