Old Friends

This week has been a long one.

For a while now I've been feeling distant. Like I was observing the world from outside a bubble, like a child holding a snow globe. I watch as it swirls and sways in front of my eyes, but I am outside of that world, and it's warmth, it's flurry, and it's inhabitants can't touch me. I am consumed by the goings on inside that perplexing, chaotic place- but I am isolated from it. I can twist its turnings, clumsily, and try to affect the outcome of the events inside... but I am limited in my actions, and those events will play out as they see fit.

Well it seems like a good portion of that feeling may have stemmed from the oncoming of an epic head cold. I've spent the better part of this week sniffing, coughing, and sweating in intermittent fits of delirious ramblings. I managed to get to a doctors office and beg one day off from work, but two jobs and bills to pay are seldom a forgiving master. The worst part of it, though, was this feeling that I had been rendered useless. No work on the armor. No work in the kitchen at Oblivion. No forward motion for TFTC. Not getting to visit my Dad. Sitting in my apartment staring at the wall, wasting 3 days of my life.

As a fever often does, it brought with it dreams. Strange dreams that don't make sense, frightening dreams that wake you with a start in a cold sweat. And one dream of an old friend in need.

I met Aaron through work, he was a manager at Hot Topic and in a Psycho-billy band called "Twisted in Graves". We played some shows together and hung out a few times. Aaron Is the kind of guy that is impossible to hate-- I once remember him describing a mutual friend of ours, and Aaron said: "If I ever met a someone that said he didn't like that guy, I'd have to punch him in the face". Well, Aaron might as well have been describing himself. He was always the life of the party. Aaron would burst out in song out of nowhere, singing at the top of his lungs. He was the kind of guy that every girl wanted to date and every guy wanted to be.

Halloween 2006. Yes, we are ALL dressed as zombies with mohawks.

Aaron had the profound misfortune of sustaining a traumatic brain injury in a car crash in 2007. He was in a coma for so long I can't even remember when he came out of it. After the accident I visited him a couple times in the hospital (which was crowded beyond belief with his friends and family). It always struck me as wrong that this person, who had meant so much to so many, who had been full of so much energy and life should be stuck there. Stuck in that place between life and death.

One night after the accident I had a dream. In the dream I was walking through a desert. The sun shone hot and hard, and the sand was sharp. The wind was hot and blew dust in your eyes. It was almost impossible to walk. I saw a shadow in the distance, and made my way toward it for what seemed like hours. As I got closer to that shadow I realized it was Aaron. I called out to him and he looked back for a second, but kept walking in that same direction. I couldn't catch up to him. I ran as fast as I could but he was just too far ahead of me. I called out his name again, and he looked back and smiled that wide, closed mouth grin he had always made- the kind you make when someone tells a dirty joke. He waved goodbye and kept on walking in that desert.

That dream has stuck with me all these years. My band even wrote a song about it back in the day, called "Firewalker". We used to dedicate it to Aaron and other friends of ours who had fallen ill or passed on. It became a tradition we performed in our friends honor, so he would know we never forgot about him.

After many months in the Hospital Aaron's family decided it would be best for him to come back to Panama City with them so they could take good care of him. His condition improved, and he woke up- but his motor skills had been badly damaged. I saw Aaron a few times when his family would bring him down to visit, but other than that I stopped hearing about him. I knew only that his condition, while improving, was doing so at a very slow rate, and that his recovery would be a long and difficult process.

A few days back I had another dream. This time I was sitting in a dusty bar with Aaron's old band mates. We were discussing "the good old days" when all of a sudden the door swung open and in walked Aaron all Clint-Eastwood-Style. He walked over to where we were sitting, a weird sort of jerk in his step. He pulled up a chair and had a seat and we all said hello and patted him on the back- the way old friends would. Arron smiled a crooked smile, but didn't say anything- just looked at us and smiled.

Clint-Eastwood-style.

When I woke up, I knew it had to mean something. I hadn't dreamt of Aaron since that night almost five years ago, and here he is, just walking back in from some dusty desert into my subconscious. When I woke from that first dream I felt like I had failed, like if I had tried harder I could have pulled Aaron out of that awful place and brought him back. Or that I could have traded places with him. Or something. Or anything.

I got wind of a message going around on Facebook that Aaron needed some help. I'll let you read the message for yourself:

"If you're seeing this you're probably already aware that Aaron suffered a traumatic brain injury in a 2007 car accident. While he's made some incredible strides in his ongoing recovery he still needs regular intensive therapy to help him continue moving forward.

Recently his physical therapist suggested we try to purchase a Functional Electrical Stimulation cycle. There are so many benefits this equipment can provide. It will help reduce the tone that keeps him from moving some parts of his body freely. The machine will help build muscle that will help him walk again, as well as improving his circulation, breathing and cognition.

The RT300 works by placing electrodes on his thighs, calves and upper extremities and stimulating those muscles to work. As he pedals he'll get a good cardio workout and reduce tone in those muscles. This is very different from passive therapies. HIS muscles will be doing the work, not the therapist.

Unfortunately the RT 300 is quite expensive. The basic cost is more than $21,500. The cost of running this fundraiser is an additional 7%.

We have lots of long range goals for Aaron's ultimate recovery, but our first goal is to get him up and walking again someday soon. We believe the RT300 can be key to achieving this goal. Please help out if you can, and if you can't, that's okay, too.

Thanks in advance,

Gary, Marabeth, Phillip, Kristen and Aaron Nichols"

Now I'm a philanthropist and all, but $21,500 is a lot of money. My most recent fund raiser had only raised $850, and that was with a lot of left over Empyrean band merchandise that I no longer had. I pulled out the electronic drum set I had bought for my short-lived stint in Ludovico Technique (my temporary home between Empyrean and TFTC) and threw that sucker on Craig's list. Today it sold for $500 and today that $500 went to help Aaron Nichols. It's not enough, but it's something. 

Any donations of any amount are accepted and appreciated. If you love punk rock, rock and roll, comic books, or just plain being a goof and making people laugh, help a brother out. Because a friend in need, is a friend indeed. 

If you would like to contribute to Aaron's recovery you can visit his page here: http://www.giveforward.com/aaronnichols

-TFTC

TK: 90%

The Meaning of Honor

My father has no idea this is happening.

  He's not the kind of man who asks for help. He's the kind of man who defines his worth by his usefulness, productivity, and his ability to affect those around him in a positive way. He's kind of stubborn to that end, but it's a flaw easily forgiven when taken in context.

I on the other hand, am totally not stubborn. At all.

  My father has been presented with a very difficult decision in regards to his treatment for multiple myeloma. This particular type of cancer "occurs when one type of white blood cell, a plasma cell, reproduces without stopping and causes damage to other organs. In most patients, myeloma is found in more than one location and is called multiple myeloma. Normally these cells would create a wide variety of antibodies to support our immune system; instead the cancerous plasma cells take up more and more room in the bone marrow cavity, which leaves less and less room for normal marrow cells"(www.mmore.org). One method of treatment to this is a removal of the bone marrow and replacement with stem cells. These stem cells then grow new bone marrow which sets back the stages of the cancer significantly but does not cure the cancer.
  This treatment is revolutionary and still in an experimental phase. One of the side affects of this type of treatment is that it also sets back the patients immune system completely. This means that you have no immune system to fight off infections and disease, and also make you susceptible to any disease you have been previously immunized against. Think of a new born baby, or someone afflicted with the AIDS virus. This kind of sensitivity precludes my father from being able to do a lot of things; like going outside, eating fresh fruits and vegetables or any kind of shellfish, interacting with animals (such as his two dogs who he loves more than anything)- it also means he will be bed ridden for a number of weeks, and of course very very ill. The time it takes to recover is not certain, but estimated at about three and a half months and possibly up to a year.

How could you not love them? They're Stormtrooper colored.

  Any of these things would be disheartening to hear for a normal person. But like I said previously my father is not your normal person. What is really killing him is that he will not be able to work, to provide income for his family and be a productive member of society. Now make no mistake, my father is into his 60's at this point and all his children are grown and gone- he really has no need to concern himself with providing for us. But that's not the kind of man he is. My Dad has always done more than he needed to, gone the extra mile to make sure everyone was safe and comfortable and happy, and in his mind not being able to make sure of those things is the most crushing blow of all.
  The stem cell treatment could buy my father another 2-3 years of life. There is a chance that in those 2-3 years there could be further scientific developments in the treatment of  multiple myleoma that could cure him or buy him more time in the future. The other option for him would be to simply continue his chemotherapy treatment, which would also slow the cancer down but would only buy him another 2 years. But it's another two years at his current level of productivity, and that to him is inticing.
  It's a tough decision for him. I ate lunch with him and my brother the other day, and he asked us our opinion on the decision. What do you tell someone who is asking your opinion on what they should do in that situation? How do you have an opinion on how long someone you love should live or die, what kind of physical and emotional pain they should have to endure? I responded the only way I could. I told him that the decision was his to make, and whatever he chose I would be supportive of it in every way possible. I also advised him to make the decision as selfishly as possible, because my father has done more for me and his family than any man ever needed to.

My mom and Dad, 30 years of love.

   I would like to clarify that the Troop For The Cure movement is not a plea for assistance. I am not raising money in a last ditch attempt to save my fathers life. My Dad has excellent insurance and can take care of any medical bills beyond that. He is in the hands of great doctors and a loving family who support him and are there to help at any given moment. This movement is meant to carry on the giving and generous character of a man who has lived his life in the service of others, who has worked hard and long hours, who has volunteered in the community, who has never turned his back on someone truly in need, and has raised his children in the tradition of that character.
  As I said in the beginning, my Dad doesn't know any of this is happening. It's a surprise. It's waiting for that special moment, that dark day when he's at his worst. When he questions himself, when he is about to give up hope. It's the kind of gift you give a man who wants for nothing but the happiness and safety of the people he loves and those who cannot take care of themselves. It's a legacy of kindness, fortitude, and integrity that he has left behind. It's a gift to the man who taught me the meaning of honor.

He suspects nothing. 

  It's been about a week since my first blog and it has been a busy one. In addition to continuing construction of the armor I have set up a Facebook page you can add to make it simpler to follow out progress (www.facebook.com/troopforthecure). I have also set up a site where you can donate to the charities Troop For The Cure supports (http://freewebstore.org/troop-for-the-cure). Each donation will be accompanied by a free gift bearing the mark of Troop For The Cure, from t-shirts to stickers and beyond. The proceeds from this fundraiser will go directly and exclusively to charitable organizations such as The American Cancer Society, The Make a Wish Foundation, Arnold Palmer Hospital, Ronald McDonald House, The American Heart Association, etc. or, to special interest causes that need immediate assistance. These funds will be used IN ADDITION to whatever other activities I happen to participate in, be they Relay for Life or other 501st fundraisers.

I appreciate all the support and kind words I've seen on the Facebook page. I've got some of the greatest friends in the world, and I can't wait to show you all whats coming next. Until next time.
-TFTC
TK 89% complete